July 23, 2015 by JL Walker
Step 1: Mail your papers
Now that you have your papers in order from the US, it’s time to ask your trusted assistant to mail them to you. But you don’t trust the Italian post office (after a few undelivered letters and packages that have been lost over the years), so you ask they be sent by courier.
Step 2: Find a translator
Contact your trusty local translator who did a sworn translation of your birth certificate a few months ago. She will tell you that she’s about to go on vacation, but can translate your documents if you get the originals by the following Wednesday morning. It’s Friday when you receive this email. She tells you that she’ll be on vacation for two months, so if you don’t have the originals by Wednesday, you’ll have to find another translator (remember that by now your deadline is less than 2 months away).
You check the tracking on your package: guaranteed delivery by 2pm on Wednesday… just a few hours too late!
Step 3: Panic and find someone to blame
Your head fills with nightmares of starting all over a third time. You tried to do everything right and you had the advantage of previous experience. But your anger at the thought of failure needs to be channeled somewhere. So, who to blame in this situation?
Should you blame the FBI records request people who took months to send you your background check? Or yourself because of the mistake you made when filling out the credit card form? Or maybe the federal document apostille people who took a few weeks to respond? Or the translator who’s going on vacation for two whole months? Or the Italian population in general who take their summer holidays very seriously and choose to leave the city for at least all of August, if not longer?
No, you blame the only person who has been helping you out all along: your trusted assistant based in the US. If she had only sent your package a day earlier, it would have gotten here on time! What was she thinking? Forget the other factors involved in this hopeless situation and just focus on this one person who has helped you so many times over the past few months. How dare she do this to you!
Step 4: Keep calm and have a gelato
Take a deep breath. Things will probably work out in the end, whether you receive your package by Wednesday morning or not. You eat a big, chocolatey gelato to calm your nerves. You have to eat it fast, though, because gelato melts faster than regular ice cream and it’s a sweltering 100°F in Milan this July!
Step 5: Obsessively track your package
It might get here in time to meet your translator Wednesday morning after all! Maybe fortune will favor you, the stars will be aligned just this once. Then, miracle of miracles: your package arrives on Tuesday afternoon! Thank the higher powers for this blessing!
Step 6: Meet your translator at the Tribunale di Milano for the sworn translation
After you receive your package you immediately contact your translator, telling her that it’s on for Wednesday morning. She will take her translation and official translator form and staple it to your documents, creating one packet for each background check, then add a marca da bollo to each packet. Take a number and wait your turn. The civil servants will look over the two packets and stamp a bunch of pages, then sign them.
Congratulations! You’ve successfully completed these badges and you’re almost finished!
Date completed: July 15, 2015